I had a bit of a look at myself this morning. During my meditation I drifted into thoughts about what I might say tonight at a dinner with some very special friends celebrating seven years of service through our Ananda Meditation Center in the South Bay area of Los Angeles.
I have always sought validation for my actions. I remember how for years I was frustrated and continually let down from my own expectations of what others might think of me or what I did. I constantly strived for approval of others and it just never seemed to work out. Later I withdrew outwardly as if to pretend that I didn’t need or care for the opinions of others, but inside I felt the same nagging need.
Later I learned about the practices of non-attachment, non-desire, and non-lying (which can mean not to wish for things to be different than they are). These concepts interested me, but I was still not getting it really.
At some point after I began meditating, the idea of giving my heart and energy to a higher purpose became clearer for me. I received great help for my challenges through my spiritual family and I felt immense gratitude for their kindness. I decided to share what I had received with others.
After some time I realized that it was God (or my own higher Self, my own “Conscience”) and not any person that had really helped me. This realization is the direct result of my own attempt to serve others even in the midst of my own ignorance (God is the doer, and without Him I can’t help anyone), and also from my meditation practice where I try to listen and feel what God wants me to know each day.
I believe now, that I do receive my validation. But it usually doesn’t come from man. It is a feeling deep within my self. I need the guidance I receive from others, but only when I take it inside & feel it in calmness might I know what I have been given, or how I will act on it.
My experience is that the only validation that really matters or is worth seeking, comes through the sweetness and inner peace that God has placed in my own center.
I was inspired to write this after reading a very sincere post by Brian Darnell, who I deeply respect. Click here to read it.
Joy to You!
turiya
